On My Own
Too often,
I feel the need to help my emotions heal.
Love no longer lives here anymore
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That hurts.
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I’m in need of an emotional pick up
Cos I don’t want to come to terms with our season changing
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Playing what was our ‘Dreams’ by Boys II Men…
Just wish you were the singular latter and that be a reality
Not a sweet song that I’m clinging on….
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It’s funny that my glasses were always on inside, was I ever comfortable in this weather
Maybe that season came too early, cos there off now
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I thought he might want to know, that explains the contact with him (again).
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Now the shoe is on another leg
He did what I always knew he would
That spoiled too…
Never fully said, denied it and lied
Again.
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If I had known I wouldn’t have even bothered replying to the sweet nothings he sent.
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I didn’t want him back
He’s not mine to have
Just wanted to know if I still had it like that…
It could just be ‘hey, you kl’ nothing special.
I savour ‘1 New message’ and I’ll read it in a bit,
just wanna do summin real quick,
come back and still see it.
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Smile,
just like the first time.
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But sometimes that pick me up does more damage than good cos ‘I’m good, u?’ doesn’t quite cut it and instead of one step closer to single contentment,
my heart and mind are arguing a-gain
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Only so long you can be stupid for love before you feel you’ve been made a fool of.
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Can’t do this random contact anymore, the signs are off and I can’t see
I hated that you had that over me
You may be the game but I’m no longer playing.
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The wax has run out on our candle and even if I wanted to,
How do I light a candle with no match.
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No need for specifics, you already know
Truth is, the best pick me up is no help at all.
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Realising that contact has actually stopped
and no,
that new text weren’t from him honey
It’s the new guy with no clue, potential number 2 or t-mobile with the bill…
——————————————
No more ‘let’s be cool’,
no more pick me ups
——————————————
I’m doing it on my own cos no rebound quite fits the bill for me
They shouldn’t anyway; I’m not the same as yesterday.
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Mature womanhood has taken over and I don’t see where you fit in my journey.
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I understand emotions heal and feelings change
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Today,
I’m on my own
Standing tall
With…
No glasses at all.
Look out for the follow up ‘I Am Golden’…
Filed under: The Final Chapter Series | 1 Comment
Ms. Stress
On the train flashing back to what just happened
A lot of the time my mind was absent
But this time I’m sure on something
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I didn’t tell him though
Didn’t think I needed to
Thought goodbye…
Explained it all
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Now, I’m thinking…
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If I was to tell him directly
what would I have said…
Vex I didn’t say it then…
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I don’t miss the guy in front of me
I miss the guy you used to be
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I’m holding you, squeezing you tight
Wondering if you can feel
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I can feel you but you’re not here man!
There’s no connection here!
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I’m looking into this man’s eyes trying to find the door,
I’m knocking but no one wants to answer…
Like, is this really us?
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And yeah,
I know the house inside and out
Though I’m in front of this house and I know its appearance,
there’s something that’s not the same.
I don’t feel any connection
This is strange.
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I’m looking at this man and I’m hoping he can see the want in my eyes
(stamps feet)
Come on!
It’s me!
I don’t think he can see…this is not the response I wanted
He used to get excited when he saw me
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Now he’s so blasé about me
I’m feeling so uneasy
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Playing house isn’t fun anymore!
I’m tearing up inside
I don’t want to undo me and you
I’m going out of my mind!
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You’re making me insecure and ashamed.
The lights are on but I really wish they were off right now
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I’m not supposed to be here…
I need to give the keys back
They don’t belong to me
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You and I are no longer what we used to be
Could it be?
Have I gotten over you
You used to belong to me
And I belonged to you
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I thought she took him from me
She never had him at all…
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(Surely, I’m meant to feel jealous but I didn’t at all
Is that a sign that your love doesn’t live here anymore?)
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I’m looking into this man’s eyes and for the first time!
I’m walking out the door
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Never.
Coming.
Back.
No more.
Look out for the follow up ‘On My Own’…
Filed under: The Final Chapter Series | 4 Comments
